MissConnection

McGross

2012-02-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

After a night shift, two coworkers and I went for breakfast at McDonalds. Have you ever been to a McDonalds at 7:00am? It's horrible. I understand why the drive through is most peoples method of choice to procure a McMuffin. The place is filled with strange smelling people. These people all stare when fresh meat enters through the doors. Directly across from our table was a lone man doing the Sudoku puzzle in his newspaper. His shirt was about 8 inches too short to cover his belly. Too much skin for 7:00am. I look out the window and there is a 20 something year old man running through the parking lot wearing threadbare grey sweatpants. This man in my opinion was not wearing the proper supportive undergarments for running. Too much jiggling for 7:00am. I was thinking to myself every single person in this building and outside is a perfect target for my challenge. Then I thought to myself, I am already going to get some wicked gut rot from this breakfast, isn't that enough torture for one day?

-Miss Connection

Getting Nowhere

2012-02-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Still no luck with finding a missed connection. At the pace I'm going this week the kijiji ad would have to read "Saw you watching episodes of Dateline on your laptop in your bedroom. I thought we made eye contact when you glanced out your window and I felt something." I can't depend on peeping Toms to notice me so I think I might need to up my game. I feel like the first step would be leaving my house but I'm not even out of cereal so what would be the point? Human contact? Fun? Last time I went out I lost at laser tag and got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. Does that sound like fun? It kiinda was I guess.
-Miss Connection

Valentines Day

2012-02-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

Usually single girls rant and rave about how Valentines Day is stupid and was invented by Hallmark to sell cards, while in reality they are praying someone, anyone will send them some candy. I have bad news for all those single girls, oh and the not so single ones; the Valentines Day aisle at the drug store is a man free zone. I was challenged this week by a friend to lurk in the Valentines section of a store and stare at men and sigh. I failed at this. There were absolutely no men picking out heart shaped anythings. Only middle aged ladies and me. I went to two separate stores on two separate days and saw no men. Hopefully this means all of the ladies are getting something better than a stuffed dinosaur and heart shaped box of Hershey Kisses this year for Valentines Day. Either way it doesn't matter because Valentines Day is stupid. Did you know it was invented by Hallmark to sell cards?

-Miss Connection

Tables turned?

2012-02-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am almost ashamed to even write this post. Here it goes. It all took place at a drive through car wash. I had finished paying and the employee handed me my receipt. He stroked my hand with his fingers as he handed it over. Not just an accidental hand brush, a full on hand raping, almost as if he was trying to give me his excess hand lotion. I went in not intending to miss a connection but this guy picked up my slack. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Is this how I make people feel? Probably.

So I got into my car, rolled down the window, and typed in my wash code. Remember I am frazzled at this point, I start to drive into the car wash. I am jolted back to reality when I was sprayed in the face with ice cold water. Yes, my window was all the way down. I scrambled to roll it up as I am getting sprayed with what feels like 8 million pounds of water pressure. I hope the men I leer at are a little less neurotic than me so they never have to have slight facial bruising from a car wash.

-Miss Connection

Nerd Alert

2012-02-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

I learned two important lessons this week.

1. The Parkland Mall is easily the best place to people watch. It looks almost like the zombie apocalypse has already happened there. Everyone moves in slow motion with dead eyes. Everyone avoids eye contact and not one person in the place is smiling. I actually saw a guy sitting by himself in the food court speaking what I can only assume was Parseltongue.

2. I am the biggest nerd in the world, or at least in the Parkland Mall. When I heard the man speaking Parseltongue the first thing I did was frantically look around for a snake. There was no snake.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

2012-02-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am quoting Dickens in this mid-week check in. This week my creeping has been mostly on hold, except for a trip to Parkland Mall which I will write about on Sunday. What the heck happened to that place. There were so many targets there, I would guess that 40% of the people I saw have at one point used Kijiji to get a date. The only other creeping I could have done so far this week is at the Red Deer Hospital ER, my doctors office, or the nice tow truck driver that boosted my car for me. As you can guess I have had a rough week and it's only half over! For every bad thing that has happened at least one awesome thing has happened, I have an interview at SAIT coming up, I'm going to be on KG mornings tomorrow morning, and someone wrote this amazing article about me! Check it out! http://www.yousuckatkijiji.com/2012/01/woman-trying-like-crazy-to-end-up-in.html

You had me at Kijiji...

2012-01-29T04:49:00.000-07:00

This week I attempted the "Car Creep" which consists of making eye contact with dudes in cars at stoplights, parking lots, drive thrus, ect. I struggle with this for 2 reasons: reason number 1 is that I have had a creepy man follow me all the way from the Bower Mall to the Police station in Sylvan Lake (there's no way I was leading him to my house). This was 4 years ago but it still gives me the heebie jeebies. Reason number 2 is that I really like to sing in the car, not just sing but perform. I like to pretend I am filming a music video for every single song that comes on the radio, this is not conducive to missing connections.

I made eye contact with a variety of men around Central Alberta some of which I fear were probably in the way too young for me category. I realize this is an experiment and I am not actually looking for a mate on this mission but I still don't like the idea of hitting on teens. It just feels wrong. Usually when I drive I avoid eye contact with people at lights because it weirds me out. I found out that a lot of men seem to be huge fans of the Car Creep. I rarely had to be the initiator of the eye contact. Word of advice to men everywhere, leering at women at stoplights is not a good game plan. Not only is it creepy, it is pointless, that light is gonna change and that lady in the Honda Civic is out of your life forever.

In the exit of the Sobey's parking lot in Sylvan Lake while belting out some Stevie Nicks I looked out my passenger window over top of my sunglasses at the man in the truck next to me, eye contact was made. I realised instantly that this was a guy I graduated with. His window was down so I have no doubt he could hear my spirited rendition of Edge of Seventeen. I looked away but for some reason didn't stop singing. It's like I thought if I quit he would know I was embarrassed. That was easily the longest red light I have ever sat through. Oh well, I still have 3 years until our high school reunion...
-Miss Connection

Ladies, Ben, this is the final rose, eh!

2012-01-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

This week I have been working nights so I have been sleeping during most peak creep hours. I woke up one afternoon and saw on Twitter that the Bachelor is coming to Canada. In my half asleep haze I applied to be one of the desperate attention seeking ladies. I think I could really make my family proud with this one. Last week in the middle of the night I applied for more post-secondary and this week for a reality dating show. Hmm, my 25th birthday is around the corner. Can you say quarter life crisis? I think I should trade my Jetta in for a sports car and maybe start dating men half my age. Wait, maybe not the last thing. I don't wanna end up in prison.
-Miss Connection

Working Title

2012-01-22T03:44:00.001-07:00

I want to paint you a picture of what I look like while I am writing this blog. If you have ever watched an episode of Sex and the City then you have seen Carrie Bradshaw sitting at her window in a super fashionable ensemble tapping away at her laptop. I look just like that. Except I live in a basement so I sit under my window, I am almost always wearing my glow in the dark zombie pajamas, and because of my love of naps I am usually lying in bed half asleep as I write. It's a pretty sexy event.

This week it was way to cold for any kind of excursions. Finger guns in mittens are even more ineffective, it looks more like a full handed point. I did go to all you can eat sushi at Shiso, which was amazing. Me and 3 friends did a pretty good job of at being absolute gluttons.There were lots of men there but I did not even attempt to miss a connection. I could picture the ad in my head..."You were at Shiso on Sunday wearing a tacky 80's looking neon hoodie eating enough sushi to feed a family of 4 for a week. You were so adorable when you dipped your elbow into soy sauce. Message me if you think this might be you." Yeah, there is nothing cute about me when the words "all you can eat" are involved.

I also went out in Calgary with 9 girls from work. I figured out why the finger guns don't work for me, I am sober almost all of the time. One of the girls I went out with was quite intoxicated and decided to try my moves and wouldn't you believe, the guns worked for her. Granted the men that were falling for the guns were also inebriated and for the most part old enough to be her father so I wasn't too heartbroken over her success.
Quote of the week: "Your social experiments make me uncomfortable." Tanya P.
-Miss Connection

Lookin' Pretty Bleak.

2012-01-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

The Missed Connections on Kijiji are dwindling. There are only 4 left, none of which have been posted since I have embarked on this journey. I have been checking out the Craigslist Missed Connections as well and they are even more sparse. There is only one on Craiglist and it is a chain letter. On the bright side, since I opened it my secret love is going to realize he misses me and I am in for "the shock of my life tomorrow!" I am pretty excited to find out who this love of my life, I'm pretty certain it is Mark Wahlberg so wish me luck on that one. Wait, I clearly don't need luck because I have a chain letter! Things sure are lookin' up for this gal!
-Miss Connection

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to Kijiji her!

2012-01-15T20:11:00.001-07:00

This week I had 2 good shots at a missed connection, unfortunately no success on Kijiji. Outing number 1 was to Belinis with some of my lady friends. Around the dance floor at places like this are usually a smorgasbord of creepy men that appear to be at the bar by themselves. They sit or stand in one place for hours watching all the girls dancing. These types of guys are quite obviously the types that rely on Kijiji for dates so I had my target. One friend objected saying "he looks like he wants to make a suit out of your skin" this didn't deter me. I made some eye contact and since I was dancing and my only moves are finger guns and the "Elaine" I shot off a couple guns in his direction. He then up and left. Yep, I creeped out the single creepiest man in the place. Sweet fancy Moses!

Outing number 2 was to the Sylvan Lake Sobeys. I had decided to make pineapple pork chops in my slowcooker and needed all the ingredients since I mostly live on cereal. I first noticed a handsome fellow in the meat section and I made some eye contact with a slight eyebrow wiggle. I kinda followed him around the store until the perfect moment presented itself. He lingered in the canned fruit aisle and I actually needed a can of pineapple. I stood beside him and waited until he reached for a can and I quickly reached at the same time. Our hands met on the can of pineapple. He apologized and I couldn't keep my cool. I burst out laughing and off he scurried. I am not very smooth or subtle so it was quite obvious I had touched him on purpose.

Several people have expressed concern that I am going to end up with a stalker out of this experience, I'm honestly more worried that I am going to become the stalker. If I have already progressed to touching the men what's next? An episode of Criminal Minds based on me? Maybe. (Not really...I hope)

-Miss Connection

Midweek Check In

2012-01-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

At the end of last week I was assuming this would be a traditional New Years Resolution, (stupid, unrealistic, and only followed for the month of January) but it doesn't look like I can turn back now. I will have to make this goal more realistic if I'm gonna follow through. I won't be able to get a full hour of creep time every day. I unfortunately have a job that is not conducive to gettin' my creep on. Sick elderly people for the most part don't have the computer know-how to post on Kijiji and I'm pretty sure it would be unethical or just gross for me to use them in this blog.

A bit of background info on my previous dating life so you can get an idea of how awkward this is for me:
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Yep that's it, a bunch of nothing! Oh, unless you count the old lady that kissed my neck on Monday. We shared a pretty special moment followed by slathering my neck with hospital grade hand sanitizer.
-Miss Connection

Week 1

2012-01-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

I started this challenge January 1st at Cities Gastro Pub. Since it was a holiday there was a major lack in candidates for my creeping. With help from two of my friends I zeroed in on two targets. Target #1 was at the bar with a beard and Adidas tear aways. Target #2 was sitting at a table wearing short shorts with another man. Unfortunately there was a set back. Target 1 joined Target 2 and his friend. This meant I was staring at the whole table. It took forever to get some eye contact. I broke out my signature move "The Finger Gun" and it did not yield any results. There was a man who did seem to notice all of my stares and whatnot. He was sitting directly behind the targets and he spent the majority of the hour watching me and laughing. If anyone missed a connection it was that guy. I would say Day 1 was a learning experience and an epic fail.

If my night at Cities was a failure, I don't know what to call the rest of the week. I tried an evening at the gym which I thought was genius with all these resolutioners invading gyms across the world. Alas, I was the only person at the gym so I had to actually work out. I tried a friends birthday at local bar and there we no men there that were not with women. I tried Waves for coffee and there was one lone man to creep on. He was wearing sunglasses inside so of course he was blind. No, wait a minute he just grabbed a book out of his man bag. Braille? Nope his hands were fixed on the outside of the book. So this man was reading a book with sunglasses on? Doesn't seem like a viable target. No one should out crazy me on this quest.
I went for wings at Bo's with friends and that place is way too busy for me to get any proper eye contact going. Also I do not look cute when I am savagely ripping the meat off my dozen dill pickle wings. I spent a full afternoon at Original Joes where I had a lot of fun until I actually made eye contact with the creepiest man in Red Deer. As soon as our eyes met he began touching his lips very slowly but very deliberatly. It was at that moment I thought maybe this blog is a bad idea.

I learned some good lesson this week.
1. Walmart is not a good place to do any sort of creeping. Unless you are a hunky man, in which case I am usually at the Sylvan Lake Walmart around 3 times a week.
2.Eye contact with strangers makes me uncomfortable.

-Miss Connection

Learning Curve

2012-01-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am half way through my first week of this challenge and I am quickly finding out that this is a lot more difficult than I had expected. I have been out to 4 different public places this week and had almost zero success at making eye contact with men. I have no idea where all the men are hiding or why they are wearing sunglasses inside. I have decided that I need to mostly focus on strange men as I am almost positive that a stable individual is not relying on kijiji for dates. I have also learned that a very busy establishment is not ideal for missing connections. Another lesson I learned is that "finger guns" are not cute and I should really try and retire that move. I still have a few days left this week and I am not going to give up. I will give a more detailed recap of my week on Sunday.
-Miss Connection

The Premise

2012-01-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have always been fascinated with the missed connections listed on http://reddeer.kijiji.ca/f-community-missed-connections-W0QQCatIdZ636 and my New Years resolution for this year is to have one written about me. I will be spending one hour every day in a different public place making eye contact with strangers. I will write about my experiences in each place one week after they happen so I can see if I get any results before posting. Today being the first day of 2012 I started the challenge and wow, it's gonna be a long awkward year. If you have any suggestions for locations or challenges that you think will get me to my goal please write them in the comments section.
-Miss Connection