26.2.12

McGross

After a night shift, two coworkers and I went for breakfast at McDonalds. Have you ever been to a McDonalds at 7:00am? It's horrible. I understand why the drive through is most peoples method of choice to procure a McMuffin. The place is filled with strange smelling people. These people all stare when fresh meat enters through the doors. Directly across from our table was a lone man doing the Sudoku puzzle in his newspaper. His shirt was about 8 inches too short to cover his belly. Too much skin for 7:00am. I look out the window and there is a 20 something year old man running through the parking lot wearing threadbare grey sweatpants. This man in my opinion was not wearing the proper supportive undergarments for running. Too much jiggling for 7:00am. I was thinking to myself every single person in this building and outside is a perfect target for my challenge. Then I thought to myself, I am already going to get some wicked gut rot from this breakfast, isn't that enough torture for one day?

-Miss Connection

17.2.12

Getting Nowhere

Still no luck with finding a missed connection. At the pace I'm going this week the kijiji ad would have to read "Saw you watching episodes of Dateline on your laptop in your bedroom. I thought we made eye contact when you glanced out your window and I felt something." I can't depend on peeping Toms to notice me so I think I might need to up my game. I feel like the first step would be leaving my house but I'm not even out of cereal so what would be the point? Human contact? Fun? Last time I went out I lost at laser tag and got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. Does that sound like fun? It kiinda was I guess.
-Miss Connection

13.2.12

Valentines Day

Usually single girls rant and rave about how Valentines Day is stupid and was invented by Hallmark to sell cards, while in reality they are praying someone, anyone will send them some candy. I have bad news for all those single girls, oh and the not so single ones; the Valentines Day aisle at the drug store is a man free zone. I was challenged this week by a friend to lurk in the Valentines section of a store and stare at men and sigh. I failed at this. There were absolutely no men picking out heart shaped anythings. Only middle aged ladies and me. I went to two separate stores on two separate days and saw no men. Hopefully this means all of the ladies are getting something better than a stuffed dinosaur and heart shaped box of Hershey Kisses this year for Valentines Day. Either way it doesn't matter because Valentines Day is stupid. Did you know it was invented by Hallmark to sell cards?

-Miss Connection

8.2.12

Tables turned?

I am almost ashamed to even write this post. Here it goes. It all took place at a drive through car wash. I had finished paying and the employee handed me my receipt. He stroked my hand with his fingers as he handed it over. Not just an accidental hand brush, a full on hand raping, almost as if he was trying to give me his excess hand lotion. I went in not intending to miss a connection but this guy picked up my slack. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Is this how I make people feel? Probably.

So I got into my car, rolled down the window, and typed in my wash code. Remember I am frazzled at this point, I start to drive into the car wash. I am jolted back to reality when I was sprayed in the face with ice cold water. Yes, my window was all the way down. I scrambled to roll it up as I am getting sprayed with what feels like 8 million pounds of water pressure. I hope the men I leer at are a little less neurotic than me so they never have to have slight facial bruising from a car wash.

-Miss Connection

6.2.12

Nerd Alert

I learned two important lessons this week.

1. The Parkland Mall is easily the best place to people watch. It looks almost like the zombie apocalypse has already happened there. Everyone moves in slow motion with dead eyes. Everyone avoids eye contact and not one person in the place is smiling. I actually saw a guy sitting by himself in the food court speaking what I can only assume was Parseltongue.

2. I am the biggest nerd in the world, or at least in the Parkland Mall. When I heard the man speaking Parseltongue the first thing I did was frantically look around for a snake. There was no snake.

1.2.12

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Yes, I am quoting Dickens in this mid-week check in. This week my creeping has been mostly on hold, except for a trip to Parkland Mall which I will write about on Sunday. What the heck happened to that place. There were so many targets there, I would guess that 40% of the people I saw have at one point used Kijiji to get a date. The only other creeping I could have done so far this week is at the Red Deer Hospital ER, my doctors office, or the nice tow truck driver that boosted my car for me. As you can guess I have had a rough week and it's only half over! For every bad thing that has happened at least one awesome thing has happened, I have an interview at SAIT coming up, I'm going to be on KG mornings tomorrow morning, and someone wrote this amazing article about me! Check it out! http://www.yousuckatkijiji.com/2012/01/woman-trying-like-crazy-to-end-up-in.html