24.5.12

All I Did Was Break his Eggs and Bruise His Artichoke Hearts

Well, I went and did it! I fell in love with a stranger at the grocery store. It was completely unexpected, I  walked into the store ten minuted before closing time, and there he was. He was a hunky dude and he smiled at me from the pre-made sandwich case. I turned around thinking his wife must be behind me, but alas, he was smiling at me. I did what any normal well adjusted lady would do, I put my head down and walked away really fast, like Napoleon Dynamite* leaving the talent show stage. It was almost a slow jog. I went down the junk food aisle, picked up some snacks for night shift, and when I was leaving the aisle the hunky stranger was just entering the junk food heaven. We ran smack into each other. I mean my whole body touched his whole body. This is the dream for someone with kijiji missed connection goals. I turned red and I quickly apologized and I think he said "I'm Adam" but he might have said something along the lines of "oops" or "sorry" or "your hair smells good" it all happened so fast. I proceeded to the checkout line where he was doing some "checking out" of his own. Yep, I caught him watching me purchase my 10 items or less from his spot in the regular amount of items line. I hoped with everything I had that I would make it out to my car without any more encounters since I am incredibly uncomfortable with any kind of manly advances. I got to my car without incident but as I drove away he was leaving the store and offered a parting wave and smile. I was sure he would have resorted to kijiji to track me down since we are obviously in love but so far no luck.

*I realize this reference is way outdated.

-Miss Connection

3.5.12

An Avocado By Any Other Name Would Taste As Sweet. Wrong.

This week I had a textbook missed connection opportunity. It was the most natural and unplanned moment I have had on this creepy journey. I was in line to pay for gas, I pulled my wallet out of my purse when it happened. An avocado fell out of my purse and rolled away. The man in line behind me reached to pick it up at the same time as me. Our hands touched, our eyes met, and that's when he spoke. "Here's your kiwi" he said with a wink. Yes, it all came crashing down. I don't want someone who doesn't even know the difference between basic produce to post about me on kijiji. I mean if a bunch of kale fell out of my purse and he called it swiss chard I could handle that, but kiwis are hairy, my avocado certainly was not.
-Miss Connection