19.12.12

Careful What You Wish For

I made the crazy misguided decision to get on an airplane and go visit a friend in Denver the week before Christmas. Airports are the worst at Christmas time. So many people, grumpy people. I was excited about my trip so I wasn't going to let them bother me. I made it through security with most of my dignity intact, really who looks at the naked body scans anyways? I found my gate a full hour before boarding only to sit there forever. My flight was delayed. It was delayed for over 2 hours. I don't fly well to begin with so when they say there is an issue with one of the engines it's pretty important that I medicate myself like crazy. Almost 3 hours later I get on the plane in an Ativan induced haze. I slept the whole way to Phoenix. When I got there I realized I had missed my connection. Yep after a year of looking for a missed connection it happened in the most literal sense. Very funny world.

 They got me on a much later flight so I had time to drink a couple airport margaritas. This made everything better. Well, it made me more hazy. When I finally got on the plane there was a 20ish looking boy beside me. We bonded over the smelly hippy across the aisle. I quickly fell asleep because it was late and I was completely wasted on tequila and Ativan. Some time later I had one of those falling dreams, the kind you wake up with a jump. I jumped almost out of my seat and grasped what I thought were the arm rests as hard as I could. My left hand as it turns out was squeezing this poor boys upper thigh. I'm sure I left a bruise. 

Is there a moral to this story? Yes! Several, be careful what you wish for. When there are a million signs saying don't go somewhere...don't go! It's going to be a disaster...and hot damn was it ever! And most importantly, Ativan and tequila shouldn't be mixed. 
-Miss Connection

12.12.12

Bathroom Blunder

Last week I drank an extra large Tim Horton's peppermint tea and had to pee approximately 27 times in the following 2 hours. I was just turning the corner to the shared entrance of the men's and women's washrooms as a giant tall man was just coming out of the bathroom. We collided. My entire body touched a large percentage of his entire body. In my rush to stop publicly molesting the innocent man my boots slipped on the laminate flooring and the man had to catch me as I almost did the splits...in skinny jeans. I burst out laughing and then dashed away...the laughter and shame reminded me of the 2 litres of peppermint tea that was waiting rather impatiently to exit my body. When I came out of the washroom the man was gone...out of my life just as abruptly as he entered it.