End of the Year

Well friends, and people of Russia, (most of my readers lately have been Russian so I'm playing to my demographic) I failed miserably at following through on my New Years Resolutions.

My first resolution was to get on stage at a comedy club this year. I didn't even come close. I did write my little routine but it turns out I'm a big chicken. It also turns out I'm like Taylor Swift, I write revenge comedy so most of it is a touch hurtful toward a select few.

Speaking of chicken, resolution number 2 was to cut down my KFC consumption. This sure didn't happen. It's almost like old Colonel Sanders heard my plan and decided to make it impossible by sending me coupons for discount chicken. I love discount chicken. I did stop hiding my addiction, I haven't eaten any chicken in my car in 2013. Also this year I had too much wine and signed up for online dating, I actually wrote in my profile that Colonel Sanders is my ideal match...so online dating didn't work out. I'm pretty sure a member of a Twisted Sister cover band sent me a picture of his um, well his lower half in some tight sweat shorts. I guess I can cross that off my bucket list.

My next resolution was to be nicer to myself. I definitely didn't succeed here. If I heard anyone say the things I say to myself on a daily basis to another person, I'd be ready to punch them, with my wit. I don't want to embarrass myself.

Number 4 was to stop dwelling on everything and since I am still thinking about the bean burrito I ate in June, it's safe to say I failed.

The last one was to write more and I have been terrible at keeping up this blog. I write in a journal pretty much daily but between school and naps I haven't had time to work on this thing.

I will try harder in 2014 at all of these things...except for the chicken. In 2014 I'm going to eat as much KFC as I want.
Merry Christmas!


Gratitude Project

I'm not making awkward eye contact with strangers on the train anymore, partly because I've grown out of that experiment and partly because I usually sleep on the train. I do still check the missed connections daily just in case! If Disney has taught me anything it's that I'll probably meet Prince Charming while I'm half comatose.

I have been writing almost daily in a journal. Instead of writing about my everyday life I have been writing about what I'm grateful for  each day. No matter how bad life seems there's always something to give thanks for. This practice has changed my outlook on life. It's so easy to get caught up in my own head and let me tell you, that's a scary place to be! My new goal is to become a less shitty person. When I say less shitty I mean less negative, less selfish, and less evil Disney step-sister.

I'm going to choose one thing each week that I am grateful for and blog about that. Hopefully this will keep me accountable as I transition from shitty Jessica to less shitty Jessica.

This week I'm grateful for the gym. Yes, there are dozens of beefy hunks to ogle. Yes, I feel super uncoordinated most of the time. Yes, I'd rather be in my bed eating Cheetos and drinking wine. Yes, I have OCD and all the sweaty bodies make me anxious. So clearly the gym is a place I love to hate. I've returned to regularly working out after probably a year of being extremely lazy and the thing I appreciate the most is that I leave my phone at home when I'm working out. I'm completely unplugged and unreachable. It's probably the only time I am focused solely on one thing. For 1-2 hours a day my brain is quiet. I don't compulsively check twitter. It doesn't matter if someone liked my picture. I don't even think about how many texts I probably don't have waiting for me. I am in the moment and focused. Between the endorphins and the break from life I leave the gym loving my life. Oh, and since I'm wearing shorts in public the gym has kept me up on my hair removal game so that's a plus. No more rolling over in bed and thinking there's a cat in my bed only to realize it's my own furry leg I felt. So thank you to the gym!

-Miss Connection...err..Miss Grateful...yep that sounds better!


The Plight of the Nice Guy

I've been told three times in the past week that I will probably die alone. The best part is that I didn't even ask these 3 almost strangers their opinion on my likelihood of living a sad lonely life. This comment all 3 times came after I politely and respectfully declined their requests for a date. Yes, I know it's hard to believe but sometimes dudes wanna date me. All 3 guys are very nice men, well...up until they told me I'm dying alone they were nice. I get that rejection sucks, I get rejected all the time- men, loans, credit cards...just kidding, I have fantastic credit, it's just the men. There's no need to take a cheap shot at a person because you aren't their type or they don't have time to shower regularly let alone go on a date with you.

Yes, I'm 26 and I've never had a boyfriend. Do I let the word 'single' define me? No I'm much more than just incompetent at dating. I'm a person, a daughter, a Patrick Swayze fan, a sister, a friend, a nurse, a broadcaster, I'm a whole bunch of things. Just because I make a lot of jokes on twitter and Facebook about being desperate doesn't mean I have to date every person who is nice to me, otherwise the elderly greeter at Walmart would get first dibs. Yes, eventually I would like to find a nice guy to date, but nice isn't going to be the only quality that attracts me. Also, finding this nice guy isn't my only life goal because it's not 1956 and I'm allowed to focus on my career. If I do "die alone" I won't be alone, I have all sorts of people and you can bet there will be cats.

-Miss Connection


I Am Woman

I’m one of the lucky girls, no, Prince Charming hasn’t shown up on his stupid white horse and swept me off my little ol’ feet, but that’s not what I’m after. I say I’m lucky because I was raised by parents who told me I could be anything I wanted. They never once told me I have to get married and have babies, they never told me I have to go to college, they left my future up to me. I was never made to believe that women are weak, my mom is a beast of a lady (in a dainty, lady like way) she is smart, independent and successful. A pretty great role model. My dad always stressed the importance of me being able to stand on my own two feet, never having to rely on “Prince Charming”.

I am thankful for that raising. What it didn’t prepare me for is that as a woman, I can be anything I want as long as I’m dressed modestly, don’t drink too much, and absolutely never leave my house with out a big strong male chaperone by my side. With all of the gang rape cases in the news lately the first thing addressed is always “what was she wearing? Was she drinking? Why was she at that party?” None of that matters. As a woman who has made some pretty stupid choices, I have been quite lucky. I am educated, strong, and full of common sense but I could have been any of those girls. I could have been Jane Doe in Steubenville, Rehtaeh Parsons in Nova Scotia, or Audrie Potts in California; any girl could be. They were all teenage girls that were victims of rape. If rape wasn’t enough, their photos were distributed all over the internet. Two of those girls killed themselves because they couldn’t handle the constant shaming.

Yes, women can be whatever we want to be, as long as we are dressed like nuns, sober all the time, and never leave home without a man we trust…oh wait even then we are at risk because in most rapes the victim knows the attacker. So I guess our culture says there’s only one thing woman can be…afraid.

That’s ridiculous and something needs to change.


Mission Status: Failure

2012 is over, the world didn't end, and I didn't get a legit missed connection. I did get a few from people I know and a couple from strangers who hadn't seen me in public but had stumbled upon my blog and threw me a bone.You could classify my mission as a failure but I don't see it that way, starting this blog changed the course of my life forever.

First off this blog has given me the confidence to switch careers. I am well on my way to starting a career in broadcasting, which has been a lifelong dream. I've also realized how lucky I am to have my nursing career, it turns out I don't hate being a nurse. I have gained life experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything and a group of nurses who are more like family than coworkers. I couldn't ask for a better support system.

In the past 12 months I've met so many amazing people that I wouldn't have had the chance to meet if not for my blog and twitter. I was adopted by two mentors who have given me so many opportunities in the radio world. I met people this year that almost instantly became some of my best friends. I went back to school and met some of the strangest people ever and I can't imagine what life would be like without them. The people that have been in my life before this year have been so encouraging. I am a very lucky girl.

I actually got out of my comfort zone and interacted with men. I learned that in some cases my fear of men and dating is completely justified, there are a lot of jerks out there and I seem to be good at finding them. I also realized that there are a lot of really great guys out there too, I was lucky enough to meet and even go on dates with a few of them. Dating isn't as scary as I thought it was. I think I need to stop watching 48 Hours Mysteries because the boyfriend is always the murderer, not a healthy message for a neurotic single girl.

The year wasn't all good. I had my heart absolutely crushed a couple of times. Once by the cruel words of a bunch of anonymous internet trolls. Some of the insults were so creative I had to google the definitions, so not only did I feel insulted, but I felt like my vocabulary needed work. I have always had a fear of allowing people to read my writing so the negative things they wrote really hurt. I developed a thicker skin and learned how to cope with criticism. My heart was also broken in the traditional sense which I guess is a risk you take when trying to date. I learned a lot about myself in that situation too. I have some regrets but I'm glad I took a chance.

What does 2013 have in store for me? Well, I haven't decided if I am going to continue my quest for a missed connection but I have decided to get into stand-up comedy. My New Years resolution is to do an open mic night at a comedy club. This blog might not have the same content as last year but it will still be updated. I won't stop writing, not ever.

Thank-you all for supporting me though my crazy journey and shenanigans!
-Miss Connection