Well friends, and people of Russia, (most of my readers lately have been Russian so I'm playing to my demographic) I failed miserably at following through on my New Years Resolutions.
My first resolution was to get on stage at a comedy club this year. I didn't even come close. I did write my little routine but it turns out I'm a big chicken. It also turns out I'm like Taylor Swift, I write revenge comedy so most of it is a touch hurtful toward a select few.
Speaking of chicken, resolution number 2 was to cut down my KFC consumption. This sure didn't happen. It's almost like old Colonel Sanders heard my plan and decided to make it impossible by sending me coupons for discount chicken. I love discount chicken. I did stop hiding my addiction, I haven't eaten any chicken in my car in 2013. Also this year I had too much wine and signed up for online dating, I actually wrote in my profile that Colonel Sanders is my ideal match...so online dating didn't work out. I'm pretty sure a member of a Twisted Sister cover band sent me a picture of his um, well his lower half in some tight sweat shorts. I guess I can cross that off my bucket list.
My next resolution was to be nicer to myself. I definitely didn't succeed here. If I heard anyone say the things I say to myself on a daily basis to another person, I'd be ready to punch them, with my wit. I don't want to embarrass myself.
Number 4 was to stop dwelling on everything and since I am still thinking about the bean burrito I ate in June, it's safe to say I failed.
The last one was to write more and I have been terrible at keeping up this blog. I write in a journal pretty much daily but between school and naps I haven't had time to work on this thing.
I will try harder in 2014 at all of these things...except for the chicken. In 2014 I'm going to eat as much KFC as I want.