Why are you depressed? That's what the doctor seriously asked me when I told him I needed help last month. No, there isn't some big event that caused my brain to stop feeling joy. I didn't wake up one day and feel a little down. Over a month or 2 I slowly started losing me. So, to answer the doctor's ridiculous question, here is the list of why I'm depressed:
1. I couldn't get out of bed.
2. I stopped singing along to the radio.
3. License plates starting with the letters "BJ" stopped making me laugh.
4. I stopped seeing friends because it was too exhausting to pretend I was ok.
5. I landed a job I should have been thrilled about; but I wasn't.
6. Videos of goats stopped making me smile.
7. Eating wasn't a priority.
8. I stopped sleeping all together.
9. I started working harder to prove I'm "ok" on social media. If I made people laugh they would't know.
10. I stopped dancing in my underpants.
I'm happy to say that a month later I'm doing better. I'm sleeping a little. Goats make me smile. I'm still having troubles getting out of bed and my eyes look sad. I may never laugh at those blow job license plates; maybe I've just grown up.
Sometimes I need medication to make me feel human. Sometimes I don't. There's no shame in that.
All I know is that this morning, for the first time in weeks, I danced in my underpants.